A Journey Through Change: Lessons from Dr. J.J. Kennedy on Resilience and Healing

Life is filled with change and adversity - sometimes subtle and gradual, other times swift and overwhelming. In a powerful episode of Thriving Changes, Dr. J.J. Kennedy, a renowned Behavioral Neuroscience Professor and TEDx Speaker, shares profound insights illuminating pathways to resilience and healing. The practical wisdom he shares is for anyone navigating life’s uncertainties and challenges. 

Pain Is Pain: Understanding the Brain’s Response

Our pain is always real and valid, regardless of its source.

Maria’s life had recently been upended by unexpected changes - a job loss, a close friend moving away, and health concerns she hadn’t anticipated. Maria thought of the sleepless nights she had spent agonizing over her circumstances. She had always believed that emotional pain was separate from physical distress. 

Dr. Kennedy makes an insightful point: “The brain processes pain as pain - it doesn’t differentiate between the source, whether it’s relationships, health, or work.”

We often categorize our challenges - thinking heartbreak is fundamentally different from career setbacks or health issues. But our brain perceives distress similarly, triggering similar emotional responses regardless of the source. Pain is pain, and it demands care and attention.

Maria can take several actionable steps to support herself through this journey. First, she should acknowledge her pain by recognizing and validating her feelings rather than diminishing her struggles or comparing them to others. Pain is always real and valid, regardless of its source. Another helpful approach is journaling her emotions, as writing down her experiences can aid in processing and understanding her emotional landscape. Finally, seeking professional support through therapy can provide valuable tools for navigating pain and discovering healing strategies tailored to her needs.

Emotions vs. Feelings: Gaining Control

“Recognizing the difference between emotions and feelings is key to gaining control over your inner world,” Dr. Kennedy explained. According to Dr. Kennedy, an emotion is a physiological response triggered by a stimulus—such as anger or joy. Feelings, on the other hand, are the conscious interpretations of those emotions.

As a young adult, I remember an argument with my brother. It had left me feeling overwhelmed. The initial surge of anger was the emotion, but the lingering resentment was the feeling. 

To gain emotional clarity, start by pausing when you notice an emotional reaction and identifying the specific emotion you're experiencing - whether it's frustration, fear, or excitement. Next, reflect on what event or thought triggered that emotion to better understand its source. Finally, challenge your interpretation by questioning whether your feelings are grounded in facts or merely assumptions, and adjust your perspective if necessary.

Humbled by Nature: Finding Connection Beyond the Self

Dr. Kennedy described moments of humility found in nature. “When you feel humbled by nature, God, or the universe, your ego diminishes, and you experience a profound sense of connection.”

Whenever the weather permits, I go for long walks in a forest preserve close to where I live. I come back rejuvenated every time without fail. Towering trees form a verdant canopy. Sunlight filters through the branches, creating dappled patterns on the forest floor carpeted with moss, fallen leaves, and wildflowers. Winding trails meander through the landscape. It reminds me of the Japanese practice of shinrin-yoku, which is often translated as “forest bathing.” But it’s not a literal bath. The term refers simply to immersing yourself in the atmosphere of the forest. “The intent of forest bathing is to put people in touch with present-moment experience in a very deep way,” explains clinical psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD. “The sights, sounds and smells of the forest take us right into that moment, so our brains stop anticipating, recalling, ruminating and worrying” (Cleveland Clinic, 2023). 

The Importance of Social Connection

We are wired for meaningful relationships.

“Social connection is vital,” Dr. Kennedy emphasized. “Being around people you like, whether they’re family or friends, can make a world of difference.”

Many of us isolate ourselves during our struggles. The thought of reaching out feels daunting, but connecting with a friend or family member can help in making us feel better. Emotional and social support systems help by offering a combination of psychological, social, and practical benefits, which can make life challenges more manageable and fulfilling. 

Empathy for Others

We can never truly know the depth of what another person has experienced. Here’s a short story to illustrate the point:

The Stranger at the Coffee Shop

Emma sat by the window of a quiet coffee shop, her hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea. Outside, the world moved in its usual rhythm—cars honked, people hurried past, and a light drizzle dampened the streets. Inside, it was warm and filled with the comforting hum of conversations.

As Emma stared into her cup, a man in his forties took the seat across from her. She looked up, puzzled. He smiled apologetically. "Sorry, it was the only empty seat," he said.

She shrugged. "No problem."

Silence stretched between them, but the man seemed restless, tapping his fingers on the table. Emma noticed the deep lines etched across his forehead and the weariness in his eyes.

"You okay?" she asked before she could stop herself.

He blinked, surprised. "Yeah, just... rough day."

Emma nodded knowingly. "I get that."

She thought about telling him about her morning—how she'd barely made it through work after another sleepless night thinking about her mother’s passing. But she didn't. What good would it do?

The man hesitated, then spoke. "My son would’ve turned ten today." His voice was barely a whisper.

Emma's breath caught. "Oh... I'm so sorry."

He gave a sad smile. "Thanks. People don't usually ask, you know? They just assume I'm grumpy or distracted."

Emma didn’t know what to say. She wanted to offer comfort but realized there were no words that could fully touch the depth of what he carried.

As the drizzle turned into rain, they sat together in quiet understanding—two strangers with burdens invisible to the world. Neither knew the full extent of the other's pain, but for a moment, they didn’t feel quite so alone.

Practicing empathy involves several key steps. Begin by listening without judgment, focusing entirely on understanding the other person’s perspective rather than formulating your response. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. Additionally, offering validation through simple statements like "That sounds really hard" can provide significant comfort and show genuine understanding.

Rebuilding from Trauma

No matter how intense the physical or emotional trauma, we have the ability to rebuild ourselves and rise above it. My friend Karen’s neighbor, Lily, had faced unimaginable loss. A devastating car accident took the life of her husband and left her with severe injuries, Lily withdrew from the world. Months passed, and many feared she would never recover emotionally or physically.

One day, Karen saw Lily in her front yard, struggling to plant flowers despite the brace on her arm. Karen walked over and offered to help. As they worked side by side, Lily shared her journey. “There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed,” Lily admitted. “But I realized that if I waited for the pain to completely disappear, I’d be waiting forever. So, I decided to start small.”

Lily began by sitting in her garden for just a few minutes each day. Then, she progressed to tending to a single plant. Over time, those small efforts grew into a flourishing garden and a renewed sense of purpose. Lily also started attending community events again, her laughter gradually returning.

Concluding Thoughts

My conversation with Dr. J.J. Kennedy offers profound wisdom for anyone seeking resilience and fulfillment. Life may throw challenges our way, but with the right mindset, tools, and support, we can rise above adversity, connect deeply with others, and live with purpose and joy.

As you navigate your own journey, remember, rebuilding doesn’t happen overnight. It’s about taking one small step at a time and finding strength in the process. Change is inevitable, but thriving through it is a choice we can all make.

Attention: The author has changed the names of the characters to protect their privacy.