Rising from the Ground Up: Healing, Growing, and Choosing a Better Life

There’s something uniquely humbling about starting from scratch—about looking around and realizing that no one’s coming to save you, and if you’re going to build something meaningful, it’s going to have to be from the ground up.

That’s exactly what Josh Hatter, CEO of Curated Vacation Properties, shared on this week’s Thriving Changes episode. His story isn’t the polished highlight reel we see so often. It’s raw, honest, and full of the hard-won lessons that only come from surviving the days that make you question everything—and choosing to keep going anyway.

Living Two Separate Lives is Exhausting

Many of us have tried to be two people—one version of ourselves at work, and another at home. On the outside, we might look like we have it all together. But inside, that division wears us down. As Josh said, it’s nearly impossible to show up fully anywhere if part of you is hidden away.

The truth is, no matter how much we think we’re keeping it together, that internal tension leaks out—in our words, our body language, or the weight we carry on our shoulders. People are intuitive. They can sense when we’re not fully there.

Eventually, you have to ask: What would it look like if I stopped trying to be two people and just brought my whole self into every space I’m in?

The Hard Truth: You Can’t Have Everything, But You Can Create What You’re Missing

One of the most beautiful parts of Josh’s story was hearing how he came to terms with this simple but painful truth—sometimes, life doesn’t give us what we want. Maybe it’s the childhood we wish we had. Maybe it’s the mentor we longed for but never found.

But Josh learned something powerful: just because you didn’t get something in your past doesn’t mean you can’t create it for yourself now. Whether it’s the family you never had or the career you once thought was impossible—you can build it. It might not look exactly like what you dreamed of, but sometimes, what you create becomes even more fulfilling.

Risk is Part of the Journey, But You Don’t Have to Do It Blind

Josh is the first to admit that entrepreneurship—or even just starting over—isn’t for the faint of heart. There’s risk everywhere. But the difference between people who build something that lasts and those who burn out is this: they learn from other people’s mistakes.

It’s humbling to admit we don’t know everything, but it’s freeing too. Surrounding yourself with mentors, asking the tough questions, and listening to the people who’ve been there—it makes the road ahead a little less lonely.

Your Team Will Make or Break You

One thing Josh couldn’t stress enough: building a team is hard. People are unpredictable. You’ll get burned. You’ll trust the wrong person. You’ll think someone is in it for the long haul and find out they’re not. But when you get it right—when you build a team where people feel safe, valued, and heard—that’s when the magic happens.

Learning to let go of tasks, trusting people to do things their way (even if it’s not perfect), is part of what allows a business—or a life—to grow. Micromanaging is a recipe for burnout. It only prevents employees from developing confidence and ownership in their roles; Support and guidance are crucial, but excessive oversight stifles creativity and innovation. 

 Remember: Freedom, trust, and shared purpose—that’s what creates something sustainable.

You Have to Know What You’re Working Toward

Here’s what hit me the hardest: so many of us spend our days running—working harder, chasing goals—but we never stop to ask why. What does happiness even look like? What does success really mean to us?

Josh talked about how dangerous that is. If you don’t know what you’re aiming for, you’ll wake up one day somewhere you never intended to be. And the truth is, figuring out what you actually want is harder than it sounds. It takes time, reflection, and brutal honesty.

Journaling about an ideal career and lifestyle can provide clarity. Experimenting with different experiences such as taking courses, volunteering, or networking can uncover hidden passions. Reverse-engineering goals into actionable steps makes aspirations more achievable.

But once you get clear on your vision, everything changes. You stop running in circles and start walking toward something real.

Your Past Doesn’t Define You, But It Can Teach You

One of the most powerful takeaways from Josh’s story is how he reframed his past—not as something to run from, but something to learn from.

He could’ve let his childhood, his pain, or his failures define him. But instead, he asked: What can I take from this? What does this teach me about who I want to be?

That shift—from regret to learning—is where resilience is born. It’s where growth happens.

If You Don’t Share Your Vision, No One Can Help You Get There

Josh said something that stuck with me long after the episode ended: “No one can help you if they don’t know where you’re going.”

We spend so much time trying to figure things out alone. But people want to help—friends, mentors, even strangers. The problem is, we don’t let them in. We’re so afraid of failing or looking foolish that we stay quiet.

But when you finally share your dreams, your vision, your hopes—people show up. The right people find you. And suddenly, you’re not building alone anymore.

Final Thoughts

Josh’s story isn’t about overnight success or having it all figured out. It’s about grit. It’s about the slow, steady process of building a life you’re proud of—from nothing if you have to.

It’s a reminder that no matter where you come from or what you’ve been through, you have the power to create something new. You can heal. You can grow. And you don’t have to do it alone.

So ask yourself: What do I really want? What am I building toward? And who do I need in my corner to get there?

Because thriving isn’t about having a perfect plan—it’s about taking the next right step, even when you’re scared. And that’s how you build from the ground up.

Embracing Change: Resilience, Growth, and the Power of Intentional Choices

Josh Hatter’s journey has been one filled with pivotal moments, difficult decisions, and profound lessons - the kind of insights that can only come from navigating life’s toughest challenges. As CEO of Curated Vacation Properties, he’s experienced professional success, but his story goes beyond business. It’s a testament to resilience and transformation, a journey that listeners of the Thriving Changes podcast can deeply connect with.

Leaning Into Hard Decisions

“Growth and change require hard decisions,” says Josh. “But leaning into them is essential for transformation.”

A great example of this is Netflix's transformation from a DVD rental company to a global streaming giant.

In the early 2000s, Netflix primarily operated as a DVD-by-mail service. However, as digital streaming technology advanced, the company faced a hard decision: continue its existing, profitable DVD rental business or pivot to online streaming, an unproven and risky market. Reed Hastings, Netflix's CEO, leaned into the change despite pushback from investors and customers. This included discontinuing DVD rentals as the primary business, investing heavily in streaming technology, and later producing original content. The transition was difficult, with initial subscriber losses and financial risks, but it ultimately led to Netflix becoming one of the most influential entertainment companies in the world.

This case illustrates that growth and change require tough decisions but embracing them is key to long-term success and transformation. 

Growth often starts with a leap of faith. Define what you want, weigh the risks, and take that first step. Even when it's uncomfortable, action creates momentum.

Finding Stability After Chaos

“When chaos is your norm,” Josh said, “a stable, happy life can feel unfamiliar - but it’s worth pursuing.”

Imagine a person who has spent years in a chaotic, high-conflict relationship or a stressful, unpredictable job. Over time, they become accustomed to instability, reacting to crises as their normal way of life. When they finally leave that situation - whether by ending the relationship, changing careers, or setting firm boundaries - they may initially feel uneasy or even restless in their newfound peace.

At first, stability might feel foreign - they might even seek out drama or question whether a calm, happy life is "too good to be true." However, over time, as they adjust to peace, emotional security, and consistent well-being, they realize that this new reality is not only worth pursuing but essential for their happiness and growth. 

Create routines to bring structure into your life. Identify triggers that pull you back into chaos and celebrate the calm moments as milestones.

The Journey to Finding the Right Support

“Therapy is like finding the right doctor,” Josh shared. “It might take time to find someone you connect with, but it’s worth the effort.”

For many, starting therapy is a significant step toward healing and self-discovery. However, one of the biggest challenges is finding a therapist who truly understands you. Just like in medical care, the first professional you meet might not always be the best fit. Josh described his journey as a trial-and-error process—one that required patience, persistence, and a willingness to explore different options.

Too often, people become discouraged after an initial experience that doesn't meet their expectations. They may feel unheard, misunderstood, or simply not comfortable with the therapist’s approach. But this doesn’t mean therapy itself isn’t for them—it just means they haven’t yet found the right match.

Finding the right therapist is a deeply personal process. It involves considering factors like their therapeutic style, communication methods, and even personality. As Josh noted, don’t be afraid to "shop around" for the right therapist. 

It's okay to ask questions, express concerns, and even switch therapists if needed. The goal is to find someone who makes you feel safe, validated, and truly seen.

Therapy is an investment in yourself, and like any worthwhile investment, it takes time.

Breaking Free from Survival Mode

Josh shared “Living paycheck to paycheck locks you in survival mode, making it hard to see beyond the day-to-day.” 

Imagine Sarah, who works a full-time job but barely earns enough to cover her rent, groceries, and utilities. She has no savings and constantly worries about making it to the next payday. One month, her car breaks down, and the unexpected repair bill throws her entire budget into chaos.

Because she lives paycheck to paycheck, she can't afford to fix the car right away, which makes it difficult to get to work on time. Her boss starts getting frustrated, and she fears losing her job. The stress of this situation consumes her energy and focus, making it hard to plan for a better job or save money for emergencies.

This constant cycle of just trying to make it through the week keeps her in survival mode, preventing her from thinking about long-term goals like furthering her education or starting a side hustle to improve her financial situation.

Create a budget, build an emergency fund, and educate yourself on financial management. Allow yourself to dream beyond just getting by.

The Gift of Supporting Others

Josh shared his thoughts. “The greatest gift we can give is to be a source of support and care for someone else.” 

David's coworker, Lisa, recently lost a close family member. She struggles to stay focused at work and often looks emotionally drained. Noticing her distress, David decides to step in quietly. He offers to take on a few of her tasks to lighten her load and regularly checks in to see how she's doing—not just about work but personally too.

One afternoon, he surprises her with coffee and invites her to lunch, simply to listen without judgment. Over time, Lisa feels less isolated and more able to cope, knowing that someone genuinely cares. David's empathy and willingness to be a source of comfort become a turning point in her healing process. His thoughtful actions, though seemingly small, have an invaluable impact on her well-being.

Volunteer, be present for friends and family, and perform small acts of kindness without expecting anything in return.

Trusting Others and Building Community

According to Josh, “Surround yourself with people who genuinely care, and they’ll help you get through the toughest days.” 

After losing his job unexpectedly, Mark was overwhelmed with stress and self-doubt. His bills were piling up, and he felt like a failure. Despite his urge to isolate himself, his friends and family rallied around him.

His best friend, Jason, helped him rewrite his résumé and practice for job interviews. His sister regularly dropped off home-cooked meals to ease his financial burden. Another friend, Rachel, checked in daily, offering encouragement and reminding him of his strengths.

Their unwavering support lifted Mark's spirits and gave him the confidence to keep applying for new positions. Within a couple of months, he landed a better job than the one he had lost. Looking back, Mark realized that it was the people who genuinely cared about him that helped him push through one of the hardest times in his life.

Assess your circle, seek positive communities, and choose relationships based on mutual care and respect.

Never Giving Up on Big Dreams

Josh shared with conviction. “Never give up,” he said. “Allow yourself to dream and break free from the cycle of doing what you’ve always done.”

He described how pursuing big dreams had required big changes but had led to profound satisfaction. It reminded me of Jake. After failing his first two attempts at launching a business, Jake was feeling discouraged. But a voice inside him kept telling him to not give up. He approached a mentor for support who helped him create a new strategy for his business. Jake decided to change his approach. Instead of repeating the same mistakes, he took time to learn new strategies and refined his business plan.

A year later, his startup thrived, proving that persistence and innovation truly make a difference.

Visualize your dreams, set milestones, and embrace failure as a learning opportunity.

Conclusion

Life is filled with challenges and changes, but how we navigate them defines who we become. My conversation with Josh Hatter on Thriving Changes reminds us that resilience, intentionality, and community are key to thriving amidst adversity. By leaning into hard decisions, rewiring our mindsets, and building supportive relationships, we can transform our lives and help others do the same.

Trust, Vulnerability, and Authenticity: The Heartbeat of Leadership

An organization is much more than its products, services, or processes - it’s a living, breathing community shaped by shared beliefs, behaviors, and the way people feel when they interact with one another. At the heart of this dynamic is trust, a fundamental ingredient that serves as the cornerstone of every relationship. When leaders foster trust by empowering their teams, providing the necessary resources, and instilling confidence, organizations can achieve remarkable success.

In the latest episode of “Thriving Changes” CEO of Schellman, Avani Desai shared that in today's rapidly changing landscape, leadership is about more than making decisions from the top. It’s about creating environments where people feel valued, motivated, and understood. Authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy are essential leadership traits that can transform workplace culture and drive long-term success.

Building Trust Through Empowerment

Trust is the foundation of any successful organization, and it’s built through consistent and intentional actions. Leaders who empower their teams by providing resources and fostering confidence create an environment where innovation and collaboration thrive.

Empowered employees are more likely to take initiative, think creatively, and push boundaries to achieve results. When leaders trust their teams and delegate decision-making authority, they communicate a powerful message: "I believe in your abilities." This confidence not only fuels professional growth but also strengthens the overall organization.

I’ve observed a friend’s leadership style for many years. Her organization’s success was no accident - it was built on the cornerstone of trust. One morning, Sophia gathered her team in the conference room. The agenda wasn’t about quarterly reports or client updates. Instead, she began by asking, "What new ideas are you excited about? How can we push the boundaries?" Her question wasn’t rhetorical; it was an invitation for innovation.

The team’s energy was palpable. Mark, a junior developer, tentatively shared a concept for automating a critical workflow. "It might be risky," he admitted, "but it could save us hours each week."

Sophia’s eyes lit up. "Let’s explore it," she encouraged. "We trust your expertise. Let’s give you the resources to see where this goes."

That wasn’t an isolated moment; it was a pattern. Sophia consistently empowered her team, trusting them to make key decisions. Her confidence was clear: "I believe in your abilities," she often said. Those words resonated deeply, fueling professional growth and strengthening bonds across the organization.

Sophia also believed in transparency. In one particularly challenging month, when project deadlines loomed and stress levels were high, she called a team meeting. "I won’t sugarcoat it," she admitted. "We have some hurdles ahead. But I trust all of you to help us overcome them." She laid out the challenges honestly and invited the team to brainstorm solutions together.

The impact was immediate. Instead of demoralization, there was a renewed sense of ownership. Solutions flowed, and the team rallied together with determination.

Through consistent empowerment and transparent leadership, Sophia built a culture where trust thrived. The company’s achievements were a reflection of this foundation - a testament to what’s possible when leaders believe in their teams and foster environments where people can truly shine.

Vulnerability: The Key to Authentic Leadership

Vulnerability in leadership is a strength.

Gone are the days when leaders were expected to have all the answers and maintain an impenetrable facade. Today, vulnerability in leadership is seen as a strength rather than a weakness. When leaders show their humanity, admit mistakes, and acknowledge their limitations, they create an environment where open communication and deeper connections can flourish. 

One of the guests on “Thriving Changes” Kristin Golliher shared with me how scared she was to let go of her biggest client. They were not the right fit and it was draining her and the team. She shared her decision with her team, and they were onboard with her plan. Together, they came up with a strategy of their next steps. It’s a powerful episode and a must listen/watch. It will be released soon. 

Vulnerability fosters authenticity, which builds trust and encourages employees to be themselves without fear of judgment. When people see their leaders as genuine and relatable, they are more likely to engage fully and contribute their best efforts.

Authenticity in leadership creates a culture where failure is accepted as a natural part of learning and growth. When leaders are honest about their own setbacks and share the lessons learned, they set an example for their teams to do the same.

Failure often reveals what’s wrong, paving the way for figuring out what’s right. Organizations that foster a culture of learning from mistakes are better positioned to innovate and adapt to changing circumstances.

By creating an environment where people feel safe to take risks and learn from failures, leaders can unlock the full potential of their teams and drive meaningful progress.

Flexibility and the Willingness to Pivot

Flexibility and the ability to pivot are essential for thriving in the face of change. As the saying goes, "If you’re not changing, you’re dying." A CEO of a leading software company, Neil, once shared with me a time when they pivoted as a company. 

The data was clear - customer preferences were shifting rapidly, and their flagship product was losing traction.

"We've hit a crossroads," she said, looking at her leadership team. "What worked for us last year won't keep us at the top now. We need to rethink everything - our strategies, our products, even how we approach our customers." Change was intimidating, and for a company that had thrived on a stable formula for years, pivoting felt like stepping into the unknown.

But Neil had always believed in the power of adaptability. His father’s words echoed in his mind: "If you’re not changing, you’re dying." He had built a successful logistics company by embracing innovation, even when it seemed risky. That lesson had shaped Neil's leadership philosophy.

"We need to view this challenge as an opportunity, not a threat," he continued, his voice firm. "Let’s brainstorm new ideas and explore untapped markets. I want every department to contribute. We'll foster a culture of agility where change becomes our competitive advantage."

Over the following weeks, teams huddled in spirited meetings, sharing bold ideas and reimagining processes. The marketing team explored new ways to connect with customers, while product developers crafted features that aligned with emerging trends. Mistakes were made, but they were seen as lessons rather than failures.

One afternoon, Neil walked through the development floor, where energy buzzed like never before. Screens displayed prototypes of innovative products, and whiteboards were filled with colorful sketches and notes.

Later, as he stood in front of the entire company, Neil reflected on their journey. "We've pivoted, we've adapted, and we're stronger because of it," he said. "Flexibility isn't just a survival tactic -it's the key to growth and innovation."

The room erupted into applause, not just for the success they had achieved but for the mindset they had embraced.

Leaders must be willing to adapt their strategies and approaches to meet evolving market demands and organizational needs. This requires a mindset that embraces change as an opportunity rather than a threat. By fostering a culture of agility, organizations can navigate uncertainty and emerge stronger.

Conclusion: The Evolving Role of Leadership

The role of leadership is evolving. Today’s leaders must prioritize trust, vulnerability, and authenticity to create a culture where people feel valued and motivated. They must challenge conventional wisdom, embrace diversity of thought, and foster a feedback-friendly environment that encourages continuous learning and growth.

In a world that demands constant change and adaptation, flexibility and the willingness to pivot are key to staying relevant and competitive. According to Avani Desai, by embodying these principles, leaders can build organizations that not only succeed but also make a positive and lasting impact on the people within them and the world around them.

A Journey Through Change: Lessons from Dr. J.J. Kennedy on Resilience and Healing

Life is filled with change and adversity - sometimes subtle and gradual, other times swift and overwhelming. In a powerful episode of Thriving Changes, Dr. J.J. Kennedy, a renowned Behavioral Neuroscience Professor and TEDx Speaker, shares profound insights illuminating pathways to resilience and healing. The practical wisdom he shares is for anyone navigating life’s uncertainties and challenges. 

Pain Is Pain: Understanding the Brain’s Response

Our pain is always real and valid, regardless of its source.

Maria’s life had recently been upended by unexpected changes - a job loss, a close friend moving away, and health concerns she hadn’t anticipated. Maria thought of the sleepless nights she had spent agonizing over her circumstances. She had always believed that emotional pain was separate from physical distress. 

Dr. Kennedy makes an insightful point: “The brain processes pain as pain - it doesn’t differentiate between the source, whether it’s relationships, health, or work.”

We often categorize our challenges - thinking heartbreak is fundamentally different from career setbacks or health issues. But our brain perceives distress similarly, triggering similar emotional responses regardless of the source. Pain is pain, and it demands care and attention.

Maria can take several actionable steps to support herself through this journey. First, she should acknowledge her pain by recognizing and validating her feelings rather than diminishing her struggles or comparing them to others. Pain is always real and valid, regardless of its source. Another helpful approach is journaling her emotions, as writing down her experiences can aid in processing and understanding her emotional landscape. Finally, seeking professional support through therapy can provide valuable tools for navigating pain and discovering healing strategies tailored to her needs.

Emotions vs. Feelings: Gaining Control

“Recognizing the difference between emotions and feelings is key to gaining control over your inner world,” Dr. Kennedy explained. According to Dr. Kennedy, an emotion is a physiological response triggered by a stimulus—such as anger or joy. Feelings, on the other hand, are the conscious interpretations of those emotions.

As a young adult, I remember an argument with my brother. It had left me feeling overwhelmed. The initial surge of anger was the emotion, but the lingering resentment was the feeling. 

To gain emotional clarity, start by pausing when you notice an emotional reaction and identifying the specific emotion you're experiencing - whether it's frustration, fear, or excitement. Next, reflect on what event or thought triggered that emotion to better understand its source. Finally, challenge your interpretation by questioning whether your feelings are grounded in facts or merely assumptions, and adjust your perspective if necessary.

Humbled by Nature: Finding Connection Beyond the Self

Dr. Kennedy described moments of humility found in nature. “When you feel humbled by nature, God, or the universe, your ego diminishes, and you experience a profound sense of connection.”

Whenever the weather permits, I go for long walks in a forest preserve close to where I live. I come back rejuvenated every time without fail. Towering trees form a verdant canopy. Sunlight filters through the branches, creating dappled patterns on the forest floor carpeted with moss, fallen leaves, and wildflowers. Winding trails meander through the landscape. It reminds me of the Japanese practice of shinrin-yoku, which is often translated as “forest bathing.” But it’s not a literal bath. The term refers simply to immersing yourself in the atmosphere of the forest. “The intent of forest bathing is to put people in touch with present-moment experience in a very deep way,” explains clinical psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD. “The sights, sounds and smells of the forest take us right into that moment, so our brains stop anticipating, recalling, ruminating and worrying” (Cleveland Clinic, 2023). 

The Importance of Social Connection

We are wired for meaningful relationships.

“Social connection is vital,” Dr. Kennedy emphasized. “Being around people you like, whether they’re family or friends, can make a world of difference.”

Many of us isolate ourselves during our struggles. The thought of reaching out feels daunting, but connecting with a friend or family member can help in making us feel better. Emotional and social support systems help by offering a combination of psychological, social, and practical benefits, which can make life challenges more manageable and fulfilling. 

Empathy for Others

We can never truly know the depth of what another person has experienced. Here’s a short story to illustrate the point:

The Stranger at the Coffee Shop

Emma sat by the window of a quiet coffee shop, her hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea. Outside, the world moved in its usual rhythm—cars honked, people hurried past, and a light drizzle dampened the streets. Inside, it was warm and filled with the comforting hum of conversations.

As Emma stared into her cup, a man in his forties took the seat across from her. She looked up, puzzled. He smiled apologetically. "Sorry, it was the only empty seat," he said.

She shrugged. "No problem."

Silence stretched between them, but the man seemed restless, tapping his fingers on the table. Emma noticed the deep lines etched across his forehead and the weariness in his eyes.

"You okay?" she asked before she could stop herself.

He blinked, surprised. "Yeah, just... rough day."

Emma nodded knowingly. "I get that."

She thought about telling him about her morning—how she'd barely made it through work after another sleepless night thinking about her mother’s passing. But she didn't. What good would it do?

The man hesitated, then spoke. "My son would’ve turned ten today." His voice was barely a whisper.

Emma's breath caught. "Oh... I'm so sorry."

He gave a sad smile. "Thanks. People don't usually ask, you know? They just assume I'm grumpy or distracted."

Emma didn’t know what to say. She wanted to offer comfort but realized there were no words that could fully touch the depth of what he carried.

As the drizzle turned into rain, they sat together in quiet understanding—two strangers with burdens invisible to the world. Neither knew the full extent of the other's pain, but for a moment, they didn’t feel quite so alone.

Practicing empathy involves several key steps. Begin by listening without judgment, focusing entirely on understanding the other person’s perspective rather than formulating your response. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. Additionally, offering validation through simple statements like "That sounds really hard" can provide significant comfort and show genuine understanding.

Rebuilding from Trauma

No matter how intense the physical or emotional trauma, we have the ability to rebuild ourselves and rise above it. My friend Karen’s neighbor, Lily, had faced unimaginable loss. A devastating car accident took the life of her husband and left her with severe injuries, Lily withdrew from the world. Months passed, and many feared she would never recover emotionally or physically.

One day, Karen saw Lily in her front yard, struggling to plant flowers despite the brace on her arm. Karen walked over and offered to help. As they worked side by side, Lily shared her journey. “There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed,” Lily admitted. “But I realized that if I waited for the pain to completely disappear, I’d be waiting forever. So, I decided to start small.”

Lily began by sitting in her garden for just a few minutes each day. Then, she progressed to tending to a single plant. Over time, those small efforts grew into a flourishing garden and a renewed sense of purpose. Lily also started attending community events again, her laughter gradually returning.

Concluding Thoughts

My conversation with Dr. J.J. Kennedy offers profound wisdom for anyone seeking resilience and fulfillment. Life may throw challenges our way, but with the right mindset, tools, and support, we can rise above adversity, connect deeply with others, and live with purpose and joy.

As you navigate your own journey, remember, rebuilding doesn’t happen overnight. It’s about taking one small step at a time and finding strength in the process. Change is inevitable, but thriving through it is a choice we can all make.

Attention: The author has changed the names of the characters to protect their privacy. 

Building Resilience and Growth Through Emotional Intelligence

When faced with life’s challenges, resilience is the key to not just surviving but thriving. In the latest episode of Thriving Changes, Susan Clarine, a Master Certified Emotional Intelligence Coach, shared insights into how emotional intelligence can help us navigate difficulties, redefine our identities, and create a fulfilling life. The lessons she shared go beyond personal anecdotes, offering actionable steps anyone can take to foster growth, self-awareness, and adaptability.

Here are the key takeaways from my conversation with Susan, combined with practical advice to help you implement these lessons in your own life.

Susan Clarine, Master Certified Emotional Intelligence Coach, The EI Coach

Emotional Intelligence: A Learnable Skill

Emotional intelligence isn’t innate—it’s a set of skills we can learn and develop. It starts with recognizing our habits and asking if they’re serving us well.

Too often, we assume that emotional intelligence (EQ) is a fixed trait, something we either have or don’t. However, Susan emphasizes that EQ is a learnable skill, and growth begins with self-awareness. Recognizing our emotional patterns, behaviors, and habits can help us identify areas that need improvement.

Practical Steps:

1. Start a Daily Reflection Practice: Take 5-10 minutes at the end of each day to jot down moments when you felt strong emotions. What triggered them? How did you respond? This simple habit builds awareness of emotional patterns over time.

2. Ask Yourself the Hard Questions: Regularly evaluate your habits. For example, ask, “Is my reaction to stress helping me solve the problem, or is it adding unnecessary tension?” Self-reflection can lead to intentional changes.

3. Practice Active Listening: Emotional intelligence also involves understanding others. Next time you’re in a conversation, focus fully on the speaker without preparing your response. This fosters empathy and builds stronger connections.

The Trap of Overemphasizing Results

As a young manager, Susan mentioned falling into the trap of thinking she had to have all the answers and focus solely on results. This mindset can lead to unnecessary stress, often without us even realizing it.

In our results-driven world, it’s easy to believe that we need to be perfect or always have the right answer. This pressure can create immense stress and hinder collaboration, creativity, and growth.

Practical Steps:

1. Adopt a Growth Mindset: Remind yourself that you don’t need to have all the answers. Frame mistakes as opportunities to learn, not failures.

2. Delegate and Collaborate: Trust your team or support network to share the load. Collaboration often leads to better outcomes and reduces unnecessary stress.

3. Celebrate Progress, Not Just Outcomes: Take time to acknowledge the small wins along the way instead of focusing solely on end results. This keeps motivation high and stress low.

Embracing Change and Letting Go of Expectations

Change, even from an emotional intelligence perspective, requires releasing our own expectations about ourselves and embracing the transformation of our identity over time.

Change is inevitable, yet many of us resist it because it challenges our sense of self. Susan’s advice highlights the importance of letting go of rigid expectations and allowing ourselves to evolve.

Practical Steps:

1. Redefine Success: Take a moment to write down what success means to you. Are your definitions based on outdated beliefs? Is it a possibility to adjust them to align with your current values and goals?

2. Visualize Your Future Self: Imagine who you want to become in the next five years. What qualities does that person have? What steps can you take today to embody those qualities?

3. Practice Mindfulness: Being present allows us to accept change without clinging to the past. Spend a few minutes each day focusing on your breath or observing your surroundings to ground yourself in the present.

The Power of Healthy Self-Doubt

Healthy self-doubt is essential for growth.

Healthy self-doubt is essential. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable or nervous about something new - those feelings are part of growth and don’t change overnight.

Many people see self-doubt as a weakness, but Susan reframes it as a necessary part of growth. When we step outside our comfort zones, self-doubt can act as a guide, signaling that we’re pushing our limits and evolving.

Practical Steps:

1. Reframe Nervousness as Excitement: When you feel nervous about a new challenge, tell yourself, “This is an opportunity to grow.” This mindset shift can transform anxiety into motivation.

2. Seek Support: Share your feelings with trusted friends or mentors. They can offer encouragement and remind you of your capabilities.

3. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge every step forward, no matter how small. This reinforces your progress and builds confidence over time.

Fulfillment Through Consistency

True fulfillment often lies in the consistency of our experiences rather than material rewards. Learning to embrace who we are in the present moment, without the pressure to know what’s next, can be incredibly freeing.

In our fast-paced world, we often chase external achievements, believing they’ll bring happiness. However, Susan reminds us that fulfillment comes from finding joy in the present and being consistent in our values and actions.

Practical Steps:

1. Practice Gratitude: Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. This shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s already abundant in your life.

2. Develop Daily Rituals: Simple routines, like a morning walk or evening meditation, create a sense of stability and fulfillment.

3. Release the Need for Certainty: Remind yourself that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Trust that clarity will come with time and experience.

The Balancing Act of Saying Yes and No

Saying yes to new opportunities often requires saying no to others, and that’s a balance worth mastering.

Life is full of opportunities, but not all of them align with our goals or values. Learning to say no is just as important as saying yes, allowing us to focus our energy on what truly matters.

Practical Steps:

1. Define Your Priorities: Write down your top three goals or values. Use them as a filter to decide which opportunities deserve a “yes.”

2. Practice Polite Declines: If saying no feels uncomfortable, rehearse responses like, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m focusing on other commitments right now.”

3. Schedule Time for Reflection: Regularly assess your commitments to ensure they align with your values and goals.

Unlearning to Grow

To welcome something new into our lives, we must be willing to unlearn the old. Letting go of outdated beliefs or habits is the first step to growth.

Growth often requires letting go of habits, beliefs, or routines that no longer serve us. Unlearning can be uncomfortable, but it’s a necessary part of creating space for new possibilities.

Practical Steps:

1. Identify Limiting Beliefs: Write down beliefs or habits that may be holding you back. For example, “I’m not good at public speaking.” Challenge these beliefs by seeking evidence to the contrary. Is it something that you can learn with practice and guidance?

2. Experiment with New Habits: Replace outdated habits with new ones. For instance, if you tend to avoid conflict, practice having open, honest conversations.

3. Celebrate Growth: Acknowledge the progress you’ve made by unlearning old patterns. This reinforces your commitment to continued growth.

Finding Contentment in the Present

Trust that you are where you’re supposed to be right now. Find the good in the present.

 Happiness comes from being content and knowing we are exactly where we’re supposed to be. When we achieve that sense of fulfillment, it feels as though we’ve gained the world.

True happiness isn’t about external achievements but about embracing the present moment. Finding contentment in where you are allows you to live fully and authentically.

Practical Steps:

1. Focus on the Now: Practice mindfulness exercises to stay present, such as focusing on your breath or observing your surroundings.

2. Limit Comparisons: Social media and societal pressures can lead to unhealthy comparisons. Remind yourself that your journey is unique.

3. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during challenging times. This fosters inner peace and contentment.

Final Thoughts

These insights into emotional intelligence and resilience remind us that growth is a lifelong journey. By embracing change, letting go of outdated habits, and finding fulfillment in the present, we can build the resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges. The key is to take small, intentional steps every day - and trust that each step is leading us closer to becoming our best selves.